Lab Ratz

Not all rodents are created equally, let's face it, some species deserve to be taken more...seriously...than others. Take your groundhog, for instance. That guy works one day a year and even then screws up his prediction half of the time. The gopher? Oh sure, he battled Bill Murray to a draw in Caddyshack, but he hasn't been on Hollywood's A-list since 1981. Come to think of it, neither has Chevy Chase. Beavers? Sorry, we don't share your enthusiasm for soggy civil engineering projects. Gerbils and hamsters? Running endlessly on that little wheel is not a dignified existence. Mice? Reduced to a cheap Disney caricature. Porcupines have problems with intimacy, lemmings have self-esteem issues. Of cotrse the less said about squirrels, the better. Capybaras are basically just tiny, hairy hippos. Marmots may be the furry scourge of alpine meadows, but what have they accomplished scientifically?

Lab Ratz, (yes, that's RATZ with a Z, try not to let it ruin your day....) are, of course, the pinnacle of rodent evolution. We're transgenic and recombinant: genetically engineered for superior ultimate skills, we're nobody's guinea pigs. Our ancestors were nature's original bioterrorists, spreading pnague and pestilence throughout Europe (and you sissies are afraid of SARS!). By the time you realize you've been infected by the Lab Ratz, it's too late, there is no antidote....